I’m at one of those moments where I just don’t know what the fuck to do.
Not even this bowl and tacos are cheering me up.
Quick get me some baby Boston terriors…not even those pink little noses could budge me..well we could try that.
I use this space as my diary, so I write things on here that normally would not go on my other social media stuff. So this what I’m about to say would never go on my other things. I feel safe putting it on here because I know there are other girls it has happened too and maybe I can get some feedback from them. So here it goes….
I always see things on here about rape and unwanted touches being something that happens to girls alot and I always thought it wouldn’t happen to me. I still don’t think I can put it in the category as severe as rape or even close to it…but maybe it’s just me in denial. On Saturday I went to the beach with a couple of coworkers and I will not mention names or anything. It was all our 4/20 so we smoked pretty much all day and drank too. Then later that night we ended up going to a reggae show out in venice.
I’m pretty good about knowing when to stop drinking especially when I’m smoking so I had cut myself off pretty early just cause I had to be up early. Halfway through the show I started feeling really dizzy and sick. So I went to the bathroom and tried to pull myself together but almost passed out in the bathroom. I told one of my coworkers that I wanted to go chill out in the car because I wasn’t feeling good. So they said they would go with me because they didn’t want me to go by myself. The next thing I remember is being semi awake and that person trying to cuddle with me in the back seat of the car…then I knocked out again. I woke up one more time, but this time to their hand going under my shirt…
I don’t remember driving back to my car I just remember waking up when we got back and getting straight into my car. I drove home that morning not knowing what else happened…I don’t think anything else did….I hope not. I don’t feel like it did….but I don’t know.
All I know is that never did I say yes to any of that, I feel so uncomfortable going back to work, I dunno what to do when I see them at work.
I just feel like I have taken ten steps back when it comes to trusting people seeing as this person was someone I would have never thought would do this…
That’s what my mug tag is for
The most beautiful thing I’ve read today by far.
CAN I GET A HELL YEAH IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE AND YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH SLEEP
- You are stronger than you realise.
- You are crueller than you realise.
- The smallest words will break your heart.
- You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
- People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
- You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
- You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
- You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
- Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
- Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
- You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
- Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
- You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
- Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
- You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
- You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
- You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
- Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
- People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
- You will be okay.
- You will be okay.
Watching the last two episodes of the new season. So excited this show is back : )
I FOUND IT
NO ONE BELIEVED ME WHEN I SAID I HEARD AN ICE CREAM TRUCK DROPIN BEATS DOWN THE STREET
NOW I HAVE A VID TO PROVE IT OMG I’M SO HAPPY I DIDN’T IMAGINE IT YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME
THAT DROP DO
What is wrong with me? Why do guys seem to not want to take me seriously. I dunno I’m just really getting tired of the run arounds. Either you want me or you dont…that’s it.